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Pages: OH MY GAWD!!! [1]
Author Topic: OH MY GAWD!!!
elko

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2011-02-08 12-16-36

OH MY GAWD!!! omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg So I came home this evening to a scene of ABSOLUTE HORROR. This morning, on my way out the door to work, I remembered that I was due to get my period. Better grab my cup. I went rummaging through the bathroom cabinet and the over the toilet cabinet searching for my cup, and in my haste I left all of the cupboard doors and the bathroom door open. I come home this evening to find a huge sandwich board in the lobby. My soon to be former building has been sold by the somewhat reputable management to well known slum management, and the slum management decided to have an open house today. Under municipal law, when it is under 30 days until you move out the management is no longer required to give you 24hrs notice before entering the apartment. I get to my door both locks on my door engaged. I usually only lock one, and then I remembered that Mocha's dog walker comes on Tuesdays. I open the door and there's this dark grey stain in my hall - the kind of gritty stain that is only made by many pairs of muddy boots traipsing through the apartment. MUCH MORE than a single dog walker could have made. I walk a little further to my bathroom door and there, on COMPLETE DISPLAY in the center cabinet with the open door is "Barney" my big purple dildo. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I know for a FACT that AT LEAST my dog walker saw it. You can't miss it when you're walking from the dog kennel out the door. Gawd knows how many other people say it today. i am completely mortified, and I don't embarrass easily. omg. fuck.
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martorelli

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2011-02-11 1-33-02-

I love u, You love me, We're a great big........
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hudlow

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2011-02-12 15-54-42

Holy carp, what a nightmare! And - a violation. This is disturbing. You OK?
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cobbins

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2011-02-12 23-36-21

I'm totally fucking HORRIFIED! OH MY GAWD!!! Fortunately, or unfortunately, this was B's last time walking Mocha. We made it YEARS of him coming into my home without being confronted with sexual paraphernalia. Will he think I did it on purpose??? AAAA!
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hallock

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2011-02-14 9-05-22-

In good news You will look back on this in a few hours or a few days and laugh your butt off, no?
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stadt

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2011-02-14 14-08-16

I am the first person to see humour in my own screw-ups, but I feel like I forced my sex life on my dog walker, who I've known or years and who i consider a friend. I also feel totally pissed that 20 people could have seen the contents of my bathroom cabinet today. I sense there must be some kind of irony here. I'm sure it'll make a nice addition to my inappropriate story collection that I dip into at parties.
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  • farina

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    2011-02-19 8-58-31-

    I think it's payback for all these strangers traipsing through your living space with no notice.
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    boldman

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    2011-03-06 4-32-28-

    yeah, I'm trying to decide if an apology would make it better or worse. There's ANOTHER card that Hallmark doesn't make: "Sorry you saw my dildo."
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    Samaria

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    2011-04-17 1-00-21-

    That's it! You said he was gay, right? You just get of those faux-vintage housewife cards that's empty on the inside and stick a speech bubble on it that says that ("Sorry you saw my dildo"). All better.
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    Bhal

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    2011-07-04 1-36-52-

    okay, that did make me laugh. thank you.
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    abare

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    2011-08-10 1-49-37-

    I officially heart you, AX. I'm gonna print that out and frame it.
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    porges

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    2011-09-20 15-46-03

    muah-ha-ha-haa!
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  • cottrell

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    2011-11-17 6-26-48-

    Mine too!!! LOL hahahah MY purple dildos name is BARNEY too.. funny funny. anyways that happened to me once only I found out about it the next morning. So me and my lady after a night of partying go home and have crazy sex well, I guess i started my period anyway my landlord came in to use our bathroom (mind you she lived in the front house and we lived in the back, they were also partying) and saw BARNEY there all bloody!! OMG i feel for you.... aahhhhhh!!
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    cordray

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    2012-01-07 16-22-43

    Awww, shoot. how embarrasing. And lil' bit tacky on the part of management to give no warning whatsoever. And hey, maybe your unexpected houseguests thought it was a candle? Or massage device? Or were dildo afficionados themselves.
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  • maestas

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    2012-01-09 0-23-22-

    I guess I should feel lucky it wasn't stolen. It isn't a "realistic" model, so perhaps a few didn't recognize it. B on the other hand is a gay man and I KNOW he recognized it. the x random strangers is just salt in the wound.
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    linda

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    2012-03-10 13-59-37

    i'm sorry i can't help laughing. but maybe cornerhouse is right. maybe they didn't even know what it was?
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  • nanney

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    2012-04-22 22-02-28

    please do, please laugh! something good has to come from this! I'd MUCH rather laugh at this than feel so awful!
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    Jodine

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    2012-05-25 4-07-19-

    good, you laugh too. it's funny. i think lots of people have embarrassing dildo stories. don't feel bad. :)
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    nordan

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    2012-07-25 13-39-43

    let's start an embarassing dildo story thread: it'll make me feel better.
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    2012-08-02 15-44-20

    I found my sister's vibrator when I was helping clean her house. Even worse it was a cheap( $x AA battery flesh colored old school model). My sister, a successful business person who saves every cent she makes is notoriously cheap. She has Rite Aid shampoo, she won't even spring for Sauve.
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  • states

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    2012-08-05 23-18-59

    I live in fear of this. In my perfect world, I have some sort of lockable yet tasteful furniture piece/night stand in the bedroom and only(or two) keys.
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  • sawin

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    2012-10-25 10-42-54

    well, a friend of mine... (ahem) once left a dildo in a pot of boiling water on the stove in her girlfriend's apartment- only very briefly- to attend to something in the other room. during her very brief hiatus, said girlfriend's roommate arrived unexpectedly and encountered the dildo pot. this friend of mine still has not recovered from the guilt and embarrassment. but she has since laughed it off with the roommate, making it somewhat more bearable.
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    monceaux

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    2012-12-02 9-56-16-

    If we doing stories My wife and I took a road trip for a romantic weekend away and brought along the toys. During the ride we had opened the suitcase to get out a book or cds or something and had closed it, but hadn't zipped it. x hours later we pulled into the hotel and a bellhop opened the door. Anotheropened the back door and pulled out our suitcase, which promptly opened and dumped out selected contents all over his feet. Lingerie, dildo, harness, lube, massage oil, candles...those were pretty much the only things that fell right out and onto his SHOEs. He just grinned and looked at us. We went bright red and picked it up quickly. We refused his offer to carry our luggage up to our room :) In retropsect, he handled it pretty well for a late teenage boy looking athot women who were obviously going to go have sex. It seemed like the setting for bad porn. Now it is funny and we ALWAYS check to make sure the suitcase is closed. Always. Always. Always.
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  • al-sabah

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    2013-01-26 22-27-10

    I KNOW! At the very least the super could've just nudged the door closed! Although he's a kindly, older romanian gent. It's possible HE didn't recognize it, while every prospective tenant probably did. Hell, maybe they'll get a better price for the apartment.
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  • loadholt

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    2013-01-28 20-03-44

    I KNOW! At the very least the super could've just nudged the door closed! Although he's a kindly, older romanian gent. It's possible HE didn't recognize it, while every prospective tenant probably did. Hell, maybe they'll get a better price for the apartment.
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    narciso

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    2013-03-23 6-59-14-

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