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Pages: Take several deep breaths [1]
Author Topic: Take several deep breaths
lapoint

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2012-05-11 22-11-24

Take several deep breaths The ren will be better off if they are able to maintain a reasonble relationship with their father. thing that happens in a divorce is that theparents often stop talking about what is best for the , and start using the to sort of "magnify" the conflict between the parents. Every biological parent has the right to see their ren unless they are truly abusive. The incident with the dinner is not healthy by any means, and his father needs to figure out better skills ... but the court usually will not let a that young "decide" whether or not he wants to see his own father. Please don't say bad things about their father ... do everything you can to let them have a healthy relationship with him. BTW ... I was a single mother and my daughter's father abused me badly ... but he never hurt her. I lived by what I've said above, and my daughter (x now) thanks me all the time for not putting her in the middle. When she grew up, she could figure out for herself what he was like ... but she keeps telling me how glad she is that I let her discover it for herself when she was old enough to understand. He had visitation rights, I worried a lot, but I knew it was the only thing we could do, and in the end I'm glad.
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sinn

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2012-08-23 13-21-01

that's just it my may not understand on an adult level, but they have figured it out. I have never said anything bad about my ex to or around the . I know he was not hitting my sons or anything. The reality of it is however, that it really is a health issue. I have seen doctors about the eating issue and been told to not force him. And by denying him something he will eat means he doesn't eat which is body weight won't maintain. And on top of that he can be hospitalized if his asthma is bad. So essentially we are talking about health and welfare and that's my concern. I don't have a problem with convincing my son to go if the food thing was changed, but I will not let my ex turn me into the bad guy by making me force my son to go.
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  • al-habash

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    2012-10-09 5-29-49-

    Like i'm reliving my hood all over again. I wonder if this is common behavior of who've had their parents split? Is it ok to generalize this behavior in order to identify a growing problem? I went through the very same when my parents split and went their seperate ways. Eating habits suffered. School suffered. Other odd behaviors formed. Use to bite my lip alot because of it. Guess thats why i'm for saving the marriage. Because the effects of it goes beyond mother and father. It also touches the ren. Sadly the affects on the ren often goes unnoticed. Usually because the parents feel that their little minds aren't able to absorb much because of age. Speaking from personal, my mind at the time of my parents splitting may not have been on the adult level. However I did see things. I did hear the arguments. And I also felt the pain that only a could feel. Adults view things the way adults will view them. But people usually don't ask the what his perspective on the matter is. I guess its because they feel he will "Grow out of it". Thats not the case. I've just fully gotten over my parents divorce after xyrs. And thats mainly because i'm preoccupied with my own divorce. Keep a close eye on the involved. Encourage your ex to do the same. When addressing this with your ex talk reasonable with him and save the dramatics. Men highly appreciate that.
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  • fares

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    2012-11-30 8-02-43-

    this is my dilemma I don't want it to affect them or go unnoticed! How they are feeling should be first or not. I am not trying to put them in the middle, I just feel like their feelings are important and primary to how this split affects the rest of their lives. And on top of it with sole physical custody i feel like it is my duty to protect my sons health and well being.
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  • hillier

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    2012-12-31 14-48-08

    The best thing my mother could have done ..... Sat me down and asked me how i was feeling.What i was thinking. Questions reveals a person's inner thoughts. I guess she was so preoccupied with the new situation that we were in because of the divorce, that she overlooked some things. There was very little stability after my folks split. She immediately sold the house that we were in and moved to a different city and state. This move lasted for xyr. Then we moved back down south to another city and state and started again,..our new life there. She then got married again to a man that i flat out didn't like. He din't like me. but thats another story in itself. Long story short we made about x more moves within the city. Through all that moving and adjustment ofafter the other nooone really checked the affects the instability had on me and my sister. I understand because it was an adjustment for my mom in itself. In the end she really couldn't tend to all the issues that could have been occuring at the time. Stability is everything. Let the man act a fool. You be the smart It will pay off for you and the ren in the end. And if the end up not liking their father? Let that be because of his senseless actions. Let him reap the fruits of his labor. From the sounds of it, you're doing your part.
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    Sarajane

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    2013-02-27 9-15-54-

    told that's wrong to a degree I have the most unbelievable relationship with my , and i talk to them about how they are feeling every day. This is sometimes difficult because i don't want to downgrade their father to them so that I am never accused of poisoning thier minds. I have been told a few times that letting them in on what's going on is wrong and i just can't see that. I don't tell them the dirty details, i just say we have been argueing today because your dad wants the bed or some such thing. Myyear old has made his own assumptions from this - he is too smart for his own good because I have always communicated well with him. He said to me the other day, " why can't dad just grow up?" what do you say to that? I just shrugged and walked away, because I don't want any comments I make coming back at me, but really ~ I am not supposed to let the know why I am stressed out? gimme a break. they know more than anybody gives them credit....and they neeed to know it's ok to be stressed as long as we keep moving (emotionally forward) and don't let the little things become big things...
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  • blanca

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    2013-03-07 22-19-21

    Thats great. You and the will be fine Sound reasoning goes a long way. I wish I had the power to protect women like you. I would bless you for your efforts. I don't know if you have faith in a God or not. But if there is one, i'm sure he's proud of you.
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    quillman

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    2013-04-12 10-22-11

    thank you thank you manrock, and i am sorry if i offended you the other day. i was scared about court because of these reasonings, but as you can tell my story like anybody's has a lot more too it...
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    Zaven

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    2013-06-06 1-31-52-

    *smiles* ..nice post Manrock
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    wilhelmina

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    2013-06-10 0-28-49-

    Did your ex also hear the doctor's advice?
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  • donaghue

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    2013-09-29 5-57-25-

    he was never involved with the I was always theto take care of the , deal with them, and all issues, by his choice, he was never involved so he was not at the visits to hear it out of the doctors' mouths. I did come home and tell him what was said but who knows if he cared enough to listen. my only thought for the current situation is to get written reports from the doctors to have on file?
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  • holmquist

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    2013-10-25 4-01-37-

    Then this is his first chance to be a dad and
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    ahmadi

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    2013-11-18 5-16-13-

    that was my first reaction when he first told me he was trying to "broaden my son's horizons" by forcing him to try new things I didn't want to argue and I told him that this was a lesson he would have to learn on his own ~ and that it wasn't worth the fight with the . The only reason I am concerned now is because of his methods, such as making him eat what he doesn't like or go hungry, and mashing his food up, and making ayear old sit there forhours gagging down something he doesn't like, etc.
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    Abagael

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    2013-12-08 13-56-42

    x hours? when you first started posting it was three quote "He told me out of his own mouth that he made the sit there for three hours" unquote Now I am doubting your story all together. Facts don't change.
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    ronnie

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    2013-12-12 2-15-45-

    sorry typo sorry, typing fast, had just saidyear old and i was also talking with my while typing...doubt all you want i know the truth...
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    jentz

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    2013-12-23 13-20-24

    Such a tough topic. He does have a right, as do the kiddos, to have a relationship. As long as they are not being abused. Parenting concepts are obviously different, but legally a difference of parenting styles is not illegal. He's style may not parallel yours and you may not like it, but it is allowed. The ren need him in their life and are owed the 'right' to be proud of both parents. I've had to 'hide the truth and bite my tongue' on many issues as my kiddos visited their dad, i.e., 'Satan'. But I always knew he would not physiy abuse them. He is a pathetic parent that has no discipline ....but.....as the grow they hopefully will learn that maybe his lead in being a great dad may not be what they want in a mate, or as a dad as they grow older. Keep a close eye on him. Perhaps the 'eatting thing' was his way of dealing with a picky eatter and expecting the to try new things. Hopefully it was just a bully technique. Tough , but I wouldn't exclude him completely from their lives as they will resent you in the end. I know it seems like a no win situation. Best wishes. Hug your often and reassure them that 'both their parents do love them' no matter what.
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  • scherman

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    2014-01-02 18-40-48

    Clarifying... ..hopefully it was NOT just a bullying technique....
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    caligiuri

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    2014-01-10 2-45-08-

    Doctor's note excellent idea! If the diet or asthma-triggers are health issues and your ex's behavior is at fault, give his address to the doctor, ask him to write a letter spelling out the things that should and should NOT be done and ask for a copy for the Courts. Some may be willing to write the note but not to send it- take that and send him a certified RR copy AND file it with the courts the next opportunity along with any log or evidence you have gathered both before and after letter sent to support your concerns.
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    farner

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    2014-01-10 13-03-52

    but on the flip side I REALLY do want my ex to become an active part of their lives. I feel that he should make it an enjoyable experience. They should want to go and see him. They only see himdays a month. He has never tried to be a part of their lives even when he lived in the same house. He is making it this way because he wants to pay less without giving in, but doesn't see that he would be helping the ren and his relationship with them- not losing a battle with me. I would like to believe that a judge could see this. And help with some sort of stipulation in which he creates a loving atmosphere that the ren look forward to being in...
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    Nawa

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    2014-01-16 21-01-26

    The ARE NOT fucking adults. They are not capable of making decisions for themselves. They need to spend time with their father.
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  • duran

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    2014-01-22 3-27-50-

    Remember the courts, a judge, and all the laws in the world cannot "make" somebody become a good parent.
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    aberg

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    2014-01-25 6-18-55-

    I Take My hat off to You! You are a true and decent Mother (Survivorxx)! May God richly bless you!
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    proffer

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    2014-01-27 19-02-00

    There are a whole lot more good parents than there are bad ones (from both sexes). Sometimes when we've been hurt so badly, it's hard to remember that.
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  • kenneth

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    2014-01-28 10-53-47

    Can you tell him that you will tell the court that he has the for a certain amount of time so his support payment won't go up if he will let the younger stay home?
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  • chumney

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    2014-01-30 3-18-04-

    give him the bed people have weird ideas, give him the bed and buy a new not worth it.
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  • marquez

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    2014-01-30 7-35-05-

    I plan on giving him the bed by all means... But on the account that i was left with x,x in debt in my name and had to declare bankruptcy and he has not given me any financial assistance, I have to wait until I have the money to purchase a new After all, he is sleeping in his Girlfriends bed, so I am not going to sleep on the floor so that he can put thisin storage to spite me....
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    billiot

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    2014-02-01 5-11-36-

    bed totally of the sub of the , but like i just mentioned above, i don't have the means to purchase a newatm and he is sleeping in his gf bed so he just wants it to spite me and plans on putting it in storage....
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  • auker

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    2014-02-01 15-05-32

    I say fight to keep the bed at all cost If this guy wants to be unreasonable, let him. Don't stoop to his level. That would be weak on your part. IF you need that bed then keep it. And fight for it legally if possible. Let him insult you, threaten you and let him become the fool. Keep your senses at all cost.
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    thiemann

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    2014-02-01 17-00-47

    i will get better... I don't even like the bed, I will get better, I just have to have my finances in order first and with no credit and no support and having taken awhile to find a job it will be awhile bx i can afford it...
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