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Pages: Survey for ya :) What do YOU think? [1]
Author Topic: Survey for ya :) What do YOU think?
schaner

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Posts: 2

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2011-02-08 12-46-32

Survey for ya :) What do YOU think? Did certain kinky stuff with BF for a long time, didn't like it. Have stopped. He's looking for someone new... after 5+ years, on THAT basis. Says I have taken away of the things that he really liked the most. He HAS to have it. If I can't or won't, someone else out there will. Any thoughts?
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esker

Sexy
Posts: 1

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2011-02-11 2-30-09-

? What is the question? Does he have the right to find a girlfriend that suits his needs? Well, yes.... Do you have the right not to do things you don't want to do? Of course... Is the thing he wants something you are not willing to negotiate on?
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  • thaden

    Newbie
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    2011-02-12 10-41-10

    Three answers to three questions 1. He'd like me to wait around in case me cannot find another female who will do what he's looking for. 2. He says if I really loved him I'd WANT to please him and do this. 3. There is no negotiating on this point. For me OR him. I don't want to do it. He NEEDS it.
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  • shun

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    2011-02-15 2-59-05-

    then my only questions back are... #1 - he wants you to wait around? Is that how he put it? What if you want to go outside the relationship to find less-kinky sex, would he be ok with that? #2 - that's just emotional blackmail, clear cut, black and white... He may not feel loved or whole if he can't be all that he wants to be, but making you prove YOUR love HIS way is still blackmail #3 - Are you willing to let him look elsewhere?
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  • Sarajane

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    Posts: 3

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    2011-03-02 7-22-37-

    I cannot stop what he does.. whether I want him to stop or not!! So I either have to do the kinky thing he wants, or watch him walk.... or be here for him UNTIL he finds someone and WALKS..
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    theall

    Full Member
    Posts: 4

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    2011-04-07 2-25-30-

    how do you feel about that? Sounds like you're unhappy with it?
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    truelove

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    2011-05-12 3-56-11-

    I really love him, and it would hurt me deeply to see him leave, but I cannot continue doing that kinky thing....
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  • Marlo

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    2011-07-11 3-05-08-

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  • sean

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    2011-08-22 8-12-42-

    then you shouldn't And it sucks and hurts that it's some you love, but clearly you've thought about the loss of the relationship, know how important it is to him, and have decided the boundary is too far for you... That's a good thing. Knowing yourself that well. Fact is, if he really loved you, he wouldn't make you or-else. I don't see any way in what you've described for this to work out for you guys...
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    tuch

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    Posts: 5

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    2011-10-05 15-31-54

    x comments to x answers x. Um... are you OK with this? I mean, would you be OK with his getting his whatever from someone else? x. No. And blackmail isn't a really great demonstration of love on his part. x. So... it seems your choices are either a) let him get it somewhere else and keep you anyway, or b) each of you move on to someone more appropriate. I'd vote for b), but it's not my choice to make. But I think even if you choose a), he's going to eventually move on anyway (or you will, out of hurt or jealousy).
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    Catarina

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    2011-10-06 11-56-11

    Yeah... jinx, huh?
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    chung

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    Posts: 24

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    2011-12-05 3-11-08-

    Forget loving him... love yourself. What is best for YOU? Oh, so now you're back up? Sounds like he needs to grow up. I think that based on those three answers, I would be packing my bags, or asking him to pack his own.
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    oelrich

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    2012-01-25 1-50-58-

    He says it this way: x. Shouldn't be here. It's not true. x. He never said "If you LOVE me..." x. This is like I already put it to you. He says I slanted the whole questiona. x_O
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    cardinale

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    Posts: 3

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    2012-03-28 3-58-38-

    Better off I think you ceased doing those "things" for a reason. If he can't accept that, then apparently he can't accept you. Perhaps it's time to re-evaluate your relationship.
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    riga

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    Posts: 30

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    2012-04-30 9-09-40-

    Time to move on. and I mean you.
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  • mcloud

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    2012-08-06 12-10-08

    are you okay with him haveing a fuck toy? your reason are your own for not wanting kink anymore. if you do not want to do it any more then do not, he has sexual needs that are not being met, so you should ask your self if you can let him have a FWB. If not you need to work with him to find a way to releave the tension he is building up buy not getting what he needs.
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    Cassie

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    Posts: 13

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    2012-08-29 15-09-11

    Building up Tension? I do lots of other things with him sexually... and no, I am NOT OK with him finding another sex toy... I try to stay Away from cheaters AND from STD's !
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  • eagles

    Sexy
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    2012-10-23 2-42-50-

    just because you do other things that are sexual does not mean he is getting he dieisres met. Even though he is getting off inway does not mean his drive is getting relieved. Think of drive are a blocked river. the longer it is dammed and not released the more it builds up. After it builds to a point it will force itself uopn him and I belive he will act upon it. He has resorted to black mail allready. As fior cheaters. an open realtionship and cheating arevery different things. A proper open relationship there is commincation with what he is doing and who he is doing. Your input on the other partners should also be considered by him. Cheating just doing it and not commincating about it. Honestly I suspect that he may be looking at cheating allready. As far as STD go....there is this thing ed safe sex. maybe you should look in ot it.
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    conti

    Hero Member
    Posts: 16

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    2012-11-23 23-40-13

    I do know the difference between cheating and an open relationship. I also know this thing you 'safe sex'. I ALWAYS have safe sex. ... Please don't beat me!! :/
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    runco

    User
    Posts: 39

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    2013-01-24 18-34-08

    sounds like an ultimatum and/orsided decision about the relationship from theblurb you just put up... You have to really be ok with your partner fulfilling their needs elsewhere to say yes to this... If you feel backed into a corner or like you're losing control over your investment in your relationship, you should communicate that... If he really needs to have it, and you really don't want to do it - those are irreconcilable differences right there...
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    orva

    Sexy
    Posts: 57

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    2013-03-07 17-33-44

    you that a relationship? Relationships are not based onperson saying "my way or the highway." Proving your love does not mean you do everything he wants. That's ed selfishness not love. How immature of him. There are things I've done/tried before and that's how I found out I don't like it and that means I don't have to do it again. What nerve to ask you to keep him company while he goes out and looks for someone better. Kick him to the curb before he does that to you. He's already in progress of doing that. Sorry to say.
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    anupa

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    Posts: 17

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    2013-03-08 17-39-29

    While I do believe that most people on this forum can definitely understand the need that your husband has expressed, it's also safe to say that most here have not gone about fulfilling it in the same way your husband has. What he needs isn't a bad thing. But the way he's going about getting it is. For the record, a few years ago I found myself in the same situation that your husband is in now. But instead of resorting to some boorish and selfish tactic, I went to my husband and explained what I am and what I needed. I am a submissive and my husband is in no way a Dominant (what I needed). But after quite a few long and mutually-respectful talks, we ultimately decided on an open marriage. Not to say that those initial confessions on my part were easy. But I would rather have been uncomfortable for a while rather than cause my husband pain. Oh, and I also offered to suppress my naturally submissive needs if that would have been the only way to keep from hurting him. But thankfully, he would have none of that because he cares for me as much as I do for him. Sorry for rambling and probably projecting here. But it sounds like you're being treated extremely unfairly.
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  • charland

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    2013-03-27 23-40-43

    No, I'm sure you're not feeling so loved. And that's because thewho is supposed to love you is behaving like a selfish jerk. I'm so sorry that you're being treated this way. And honestly? I would hit the road if anyone treated me like he's treating you. Oh, andother thing. No matter what he says, the way he's treating you is NOT your fault. The responsibility for him being selfish and manipulative sits squarely on his shoulders...no matter how much he may try to foist it onto you. Just my humblecents.
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  • adine

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    Posts: 58

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    2013-05-15 20-59-10

    Let me get this straight... ...he wants you to stuff french fries up your ass, and then shit them out so he can eat them ??? Well, I say go ahead and do that a few times for him ... he will die a wretched death and the problem is solved !!!
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  • duran

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    2013-09-23 22-18-30

    You missed the beginning.... I DID IT for quite a while... He hasn't died yet (his words).. unless it's a french fry thing (?)
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